I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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