i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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