So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
