somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
