apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
