i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
