so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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