69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
