In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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