I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
