i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
