you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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