Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
