And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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