You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
