Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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