We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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