Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
you never un-have a 4some
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