he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
