I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
