I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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