Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
