He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
