No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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