Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
