when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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