This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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