I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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