Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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