One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
