but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
