just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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