Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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