Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
