3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just high enough for therapy.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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