if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I cut my penus on the lid.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
