the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
