We won't sleep together?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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