hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
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yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it was like eating out sand paper
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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