Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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