i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
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at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.