How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.