i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
