Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
