i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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