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• (914): View more from New York

  i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet

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• (646): View more from New York

  I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (718): View more from New York

  at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.

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• (716): View more from New York

  Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen

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• (916): View more from California

  she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (619): View more from California

  His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.

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