Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
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She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
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I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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