I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
