My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
