do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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