The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
