He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
