cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
