we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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