How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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