Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
