I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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