I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
