I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I feel great
I just peed on a car
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
