You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
