Your tits are I can't wait for
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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