Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
