The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
