What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
