its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
