if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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