so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
