Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
