She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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