NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i dont even know how to be here
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
