Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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