We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
